The "R" word revisted... (may be offensive to some)

For those of you who know me well, you know about my utter disdain for the "r" word (you can even read about it here in a post from over three years ago). My good college friend Kristi, who has a beautiful daughter (Kyla) with Down Syndrome, has alerted me to the fact that the "r" word is going to be making a dreaded comeback because of a new movie that is coming out.

I know many of you are not going to agree with the message below or see the point of it, but maybe it will just make you aware that some of the things that come out of people's mouths can be way more hurtful than you realize.

Imagine if your child was disabled and his classmates (or classmates' parents) decided to wear a shirt that is mentioned below. How do you explain it? My daughter, who appears "normal" or "typical" has a disease called PDC - it is a neurological disorder related to dystonia that can make her look "twisted". She went to a wonderful preschool for a year that was partially funded by the generous ARC (the Association for Retarded Citizens). She is now in the preschool in the public school and was placed in the pre-K last year because she tested high. She is very social, witty and smart. Yet she is considered "retarded" by definition (delayed in some areas). Do you realize how hurtful it is when she and I are in the store and someone says to their companion or into their cell phone, "Stop being so retarded" or "I must be retarded, I can't find the hairspray"?

I am posting this to raise awareness on how hurtful words can be. I don't know if boycotting this movie is the answer, but what i do know is this: Role models - be it actors, athletes, teachers, or parents - please choose your words carefully. You never know who is listening.

My friend's email:
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As someone who has enjoyed some of Ben Stiller's movies and appreciates Robert Downey Jrs work, I am greatly saddened by what I am hearing about their new movie "Tropic Thunder."  (See below.)  The negative use of the word "retard" and their protrayal of the "retard stereotype" is beyond offensive - it is hurtful.  The thought of explaining to my children why they hear in a commercial or see on a t-shirt to "never go full retard" is sickening.  Michael is just beginning to be more interested in Down syndrome and what it means - and what it means for Kyla.  To have the positive messages we are teaching him about the abilities in all of us and the value of differences countered by the negative messages being marketed in this film is heartbreaking.

If you were planning to see this movie, I respectfully ask that you honor Kyla by not doing so.  Not supporting it with our dollars is the strongest way to send a message that this isn't ok.  This movie does nothing to promote the respect that Kyla and other's with disabilities deserve.  She deserves a better world, and quite honestly, so do the rest of us.

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Some of you have been following the controversy surrounding the film Tropic Thunder and the possible national boycott by disability groups, including the National Down Syndrome Congress and the national ARC. Here is an Op Ed piece by Timothy Shriver (Eunice Kennedy Shriver's son) that appeared in the Washington Post.

Timothy Shriver, Chairman of Special Olympics, has an op-ed piece on "Tropic Thunder" in today's Washington Post (read below). Meanwhile, disability advocates are preparing for a possible national boycott of the film.

What 'Tropic Thunder' Thinks Is Funny By Timothy Shriver Monday, August 11, 2008; A15

I've been told to keep my sense of humor about the film "Tropic Thunder," which opens this week. Despite my requests, I have not been given the chance to see the movie. But I've seen previews, read about it and read excerpts of the script. By all accounts, it is an unchecked assault on the humanity of people with intellectual disabilities -- an affront to dignity, hope and respect.

Consider this exchange:

Ben Stiller's character: "There were times when I was doing Jack when I actually felt retarded. Like really retarded."

Robert Downey Jr.'s character: "Oh yeah. Damn."

Stiller: "In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb."

Downey: "To be a moron."

Stiller: "Yeah."

At another point, about acting like a person with intellectual disabilities, they say: Stiller: "It's what we do, right?"

Downey: "Everybody knows you never do a full retard."

Stiller: "What do you mean?"

Downey: "Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Count toothpicks to your cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard."

I worked with the Farrelly brothers on a film on this topic. I know about edgy comedy. I'm also told that movies are equal-opportunity offenders. So here's an equal-opportunity response to the equal-opportunity offenders: People with intellectual disabilities are routinely abused, neglected, insulted, institutionalized and even killed around the world. Their parents are told to give up, that their children are worthless. Schools turn them away. Doctors refuse to treat them. Employers won't hire them. None of this is funny.

For centuries, they have been the exception to the most basic spiritual principle: that we are each equal in spirit, capable of reflecting the goodness of the divine, carriers of love. But not people with intellectual disabilities. What's a word commonly applied to them? Hopeless. Let's consider where we are in 2008. Our politics are about overcoming division, our social movements are about ending intolerance, our great philanthropists promote ending poverty and disease among the world's poor. Are people with intellectual disabilities included in the mainstream of these movements? For the most part, no. Why? Because they're different. Their joy doesn't fit on magazine covers. Their spirituality doesn't come in self-help television. Their kind of wealth doesn't command political attention. (The best of the spirit never does.) Sadly, they're such an easy target that many people don't realize whom they are making fun of when they use the word "retard." Most people just think it's funny. "Stupid, idiot, moron, retard." Ha, ha, ha.

I know: I could be too sensitive. But I was taught that mean isn't funny. And I've been to institutions where people with intellectual disabilities are tied to beds or lie on concrete floors, forgotten. I've heard doctors say they won't treat them. I know Gallup found that more than 60 percent of Americans don't want a person with an intellectual disability at their child's school. I've talked to people with intellectual disabilities who cry over being insulted on a bus. I've received too many e-mails from people who are devastated not by their child's disability but by the terror of being laughed at, excluded and economically devastated. It wasn't funny when Hollywood humiliated African Americans for a generation. It's never funny when good and decent human beings are humiliated. In fact, it is dangerous and disgusting. This film is all that and more.

DreamWorks went so far as to create a mini-version of Simple Jack and posted it online. The studio has since pulled it down, realizing it had gone too far, even in an age of edgy, R-rated comedies. So, enough. Stop the hurtful jokes. Talk to your children about language that is bullying and mean. Ask your friends, your educators, your religious leaders to help us to end the stubborn myth that people with intellectual disabilities are hopeless. Ask Hollywood to get on the right side of dignity. I hope others will join me in shutting this movie out of our lives and our pocketbooks. We don't live in times when labeling and humiliating others is funny. And we should send that message far and wide.

The writer is chairman of Special Olympics and a columnist for washingtonpost.com's On Faith discussion site.

EDITED 8/13 11:42am EST - Great comments/points of view! I added a link and also wanted to add, as Brenda Pinnick stated in her comment, that this goes for many other words as well and not just the "r" word. Additionally, as Donna states below, perhaps we should not focus on the vocabulary and words used/chosen but rather take that energy to "educate others as to who these people are and how we deal with them and treat them." Thanks to both of you and everyone for your input.

Comments

[Kristen]

My best friend had a son born with Downs 8 years ago. Soon after he was born, I was describing something my nephew did and I said "It was stupid.. he was just being retarded". We went on with the conversation, I hung up and it hit me... what I had said and how seriously offensive it was or could have been to her. She never said anything, but I called her back and apologized. I hadn't thought of saying that as being offensive until that moment, but I had a huge awakening then. We avoid the "R" word... and anyone who says it around me, I remind them of how hurtful it can be.

Fantastic post... I hope people read it and learn.

[Brenda Pinnick]

I'm so glad you posted this. I've heard this word used by others as they point to my beautiful, funny, kind-hearted nephew David who has Downs Syndrome. It is so hurtful.
Anytime a medical condition is made light of is wrong. The use of the word "schizophrenic" to describe a style of living or working is horrible just as claiming to have "alzheimer's 's" for being forgetful. These are examples of devastating , life-changing conditions not to be made fun of, or used casually. We should all boycott this movie and send a message.

[Nancy Nally]

Thanks for posting this...people who think this stuff is "just words" or who think it is just being funny but not making fun have obviously never been affected closely by a disability of this type.

[Amanda B.]

I agree with the last commentator. It was a fantastic post and there is a lot to learn.

Your title, "may be offensive to some," makes me hope it's offensive to all. That is a word that does not need to be used. Plus, Hollywood smarty-pants do not need to throw it about and make fun of those who are different. Everyone has a lot to teach and is a gift, no matter what their IQ.

Your twitter friend,
Scoopie77

[Donna]

I have another point of view. I am a special education teacher and in this state "retarded" is a legal classification for IEP students. I have to use the word because it is the technically required word and it is accurate. Retarded simply means slower than usual. It is the way it is used that can be cruel. I do not like the idea of outlawing words, but would rather work with students about attitudes and how they treat people.

I have a son with a mental illness. 4 years ago he had a complete psychotic break. He is quite well now thanks to modern medicine and is completing his master's degree. We have not stopped saying things like "This is insanely good!" or "That is a crazy idea!" even though those words can be misused at times. The truth is my son refers to that period of time as when he was "out of my mind", "insane" , "completely nuts and wacko". It is a correct assessment, but we are not so oversensitive to be hurt or offended when people (and we do it too without a second thought) refer to an idea or something as insane or crazy or nutso.

Instead of focusing on the superficial word, we need to focus on the deeper issues of people being uneducated. Did you know that few mentally ill people with excellent insurance get parity? 10 days in a hospital per year for mental illness and they will kick a stark raving mad person out. Can you imagine limiting a person with cancer to 10 days of treatment a year? There are MUCH bigger issues to put our energy into rather than being offended by words. The exception to that is when those words are used purposely to be cruel. Then those situations need to be addressed as I do in my classroom and in my community.

By becoming touchy over words we reduce our energy to make a difference about REAL things that need to be addressed and we additionally make people who are not PC aggravated by our over-sensitiveness.

Some people ARE retarded, or crazy, or whatever. Lets not outlaw words. Instead lets make sure those people get what they need on a reasonable timeline at reasonable costs. Lets make sure we educate others as to who these people are and how we deal with them and treat them.

[Donna]

Woops, that should say mentally ill do NOT get parity.

[Trish @ Another Piece of the Puzzle]

Good post, and I appreciate the thoughts about what we can do to educate others going forward. While I don't approve of the movie, it just goes to show a much bigger issue of human rights and respect for others.

[Brenda Pinnick]

There's a big difference between "what a retard" and "he's mentally retarded" As Donna states, it's not the actual word but in what context it is used. Making fun of or light of any medical condition is unacceptable.

And yes, Donna, the lack of insurance coverage for mental illness is a national shame. In this country of fortune and wealth, if you are unlucky enough to be born with mental illness...well, too bad for you. My family is affected by this, it's appalling.

I am so glad you posted this!!!! I totally agree. And as far as the term being a legally required one in some places, that may be true but when Hollywood makes a term "cool," you can bet that it will translate into more bullying on school grounds to say the least.

And when you understand that this type of media tints the way adults view those with disabilities, it leads to this type of thing noted in the NY Times about injustice for those with special needs, especially kids, for instance: "Noting that "more than 40 percent of the students in custody (juvenile hall) have been identified as having disabilities that make them eligible for services and protections under the federal Individuals With Disabilities Education Act," the Times opined that:
The State Legislature will need to do at least two things if it hopes to correct these problems. First, it needs to require localities to provide disabled children with the school services they are entitled to under federal law, instead of just dumping them onto streets. Then lawmakers must strengthen the educational programs within the juvenile system itself by hiring better-trained employees and providing stronger central oversight."

Essentially, not just in Texas, and not just for mental health benefits, adults are not providing proper education funding for kids with disabilities and society as a whole is paying for it.

Movies that make it okay to look through a "retarded" lens perpetuate stereotypes that hurt society as a whole because labels somehow make a person somehow less than worthy.